I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
