I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
