i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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