I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just found puke in my bra..
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My breasts were aching with rage.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
