I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
