He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
