The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
