Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
