i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Randomize
