omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
