Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
