Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
