im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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