there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
