you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize