matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
