I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
