Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
