She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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