Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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