oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
