Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
