Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
