Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
A+ Viking dick
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
