There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
