so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
