So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize