Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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