and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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