and you said cock pushups were impossible
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
