i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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