glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Randomize
