if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
