apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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