shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize