P.S. I can't hear my feet
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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