she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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