You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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