we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Soap is not a condiment
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize