u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
