Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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