I'm going to jail i love you
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
