Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
why do cheetos always look like penises
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
