Cold hands, warm shart.
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize