She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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