Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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