So drunk its hurt
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
