I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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