Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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