Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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