She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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