Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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