All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I want her autograph on my taint
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
