Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
