we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
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