Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Oh god it's open bar.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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