when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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