Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize