First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
