when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
