Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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