I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
