nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
