and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
