There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
