Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize