just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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