Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
tell me about the eggs
Randomize