"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
We need to get me chipped asap
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
