the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
