last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
So here I am, sexting at work.
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