oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize