I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
We won't sleep together?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
