Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
