i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
