Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Randomize
