I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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