I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
