Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
