This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
