new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
