She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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