...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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