I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
