the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
