And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
