just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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