what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
