I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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