its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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