I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
