Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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